Dark Place Entry 2

Having a great amount of emotion can really help a writer.  It allows us to give our characters personalities.  We understand being cold, bitter, angry, loving, happy, thoughtful, provocative, etc., but there’s a feeling that I always think I have more than anyone else, sadness.

I don’t know what it is about weekends, but they are not good for me.  I try to do everything to keep myself busy, to keep my mind from wandering back over the depressing thoughts.  Nothing works.

Ok, so I’m seeing a doctor, a therapist, I’m seeking advice from people I know, I’m trying everything I can to change this ache inside.  I’m alone, all alone, no matter what people say, or think, I’m alone.  I don’t have people calling or texting; I don’t have people asking how I feel, or what’s wrong.  Just one person asks those questions, me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m an emotional person.  I’m glad I have feelings and that I actually do care about people, including people I don’t even know and haven’t even met.  I just wish the depression wasn’t a part of me.  It’s becoming a burden to have to carry with me each day.  Honestly, it’s a heavy weight. 

I haven’t left my house since December.  Oh, I go to work, but basically, nowhere else.  And if I do go somewhere, it takes a lot of strength.  And as I said earlier, I am trying to get help.  I just hope someone out there will know how to help someone like me who is so far gone.  I’m a recluse.  I’m scared. 

Whenever you see me online, just know that I’m trying to push the darkness behind me.  Even communication with people across the internet is good for me, good for my mental health.  I just wish I had a friend who could be here with me.  I wish I had someone to share things with, to laugh with, to go to dinner with, to just take a ride in the car.

Tomorrow will give me a little more relief.  It’s Monday, I’ll go back to work.  I’ll be around people.  And for five days I’ll be able to wear the face I’m supposed to.  But the one thing I should be looking forward to, the weekend, is my nightmare.  That’s when I go back to being alone.

4 More Authors Worth Your Time

Books by Graham Smith:

11 Hard boiled stories of murder, misconception and mayhem. Nothing ends as expected. Everything can change in an instant. Tense, thrilling and funny. You’ll be cheering on, laughing at and crying for the characters.

Take a walk in the woods with Annie as a camping trip goes horribly wrong, slug some bourbon in Bobby’s Bar with gumshoe Leonard Peters or join Nicholas and Christine as their honeymoon trip takes a frightening turn.

Attend a night class with the girl who fears a stalker, escape killers with Jason and his sons, join Cook & Barnes as they hunt a twisted killer, look through a telescopic sight with an assassin and recoil in horror as terrorists attack.

Why has Garry been stood up at the altar? What happens to Susie? All the answers you need are in 11 The Hard Way.

http://www.amazon.com/Eleven-The-Hardest-Way-ebook/dp/B00771BMJ8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335070119&sr=8-1

Books by Steven Nedelton:

"As the world goes to hell, it proves very difficult not to go with them."Fear!"is a novel from Steven Nedelton who tells of a future where mankind is falling apart and oppression is the name of the day. One family tries to hang onto their humanity, as Nedelton tells their endeavor to stay together and stay united in a miserable world. "Fear!" is novel of a potential terrifying future, well worth considering."

http://www.amazon.com/FEAR-ebook/dp/B004U6LT6E/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1335070361&sr=8-8

Books by Lily Childs:

A terrifying collection of short horror stories by dark fiction author Lily Childs. These forty-three offerings comprise eleven long tales, including the previously unpublished:

- SMILING CYRUS - dancing dolls of death in your attic

- IN ADORATION - demonic rebirth, revenge and new skin

- STARING AT THE PINK - when the dead don't let go

Studded and stitched together by shorter pieces and tiny 100-word drabbles this first volume of Cabaret of Dread ends with:

- THE INFANTA TRIPTYCH - living, dying art - breathing, pulsing... ancient.

"Extreme vampire horror."

Words spill from the babbling mouths of demons and murderers throughout Cabaret of Dread, combining fear and even humour as the reader encounters serial killers and ghosts, historical entities and psychopaths, not to mention a scuttling vampire or two.

Cabaret of Dread is extreme horror FOR ADULTS ONLY. Ethereal and spiritual elements battle with the visceral and the insane; lustful adoration dallies with laboured, lingering death. The Cabaret will shock, it may well offend. But it is beautiful – at least in the author’s mind - and that’s where the darkness lies.

http://www.amazon.com/Cabaret-Dread-Horror-Compendium-ebook/dp/B007KSVXQK/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1335070816&sr=1-1

Books by Fiona Johnson:

Crime doesn't just happen in the city and after being violently attacked and tied up, Gordon Campbell's peaceful existence delivering fish to his customers in a picturesque Argyll village is about to change forever.

Crime noir mixed with a generous slosh of Scottish humour.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Wrong-Delivery-Corrins-ebook/dp/B0075YHO3A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335071241&sr=8-1

What scares me.

In my own little world there are many things that scare me.  Right now, the biggest fear is thinking that my books will go nowhere. 

I sit and create and create and create and honestly, I do it for myself.  I guess that's what a writer should do if they really love their craft.  But, once that book is out to the masses, a new fear takes over.  I wonder who reads my book.  I wonder what they're thinking about it.

I've finished the second book in the SOTF series and have started working on the third.  I think it's very good, but what will others think?  That's what really scares me.  I guess it scares me because I want to create a reading experience that people will and enjoy.  I want them to finish the last page and feel an overwhelming need to tell others.

Does anyone else think like me?